Mistakes
by Hamster Running
Summary: Snowstep had to make a lot of different decisions in her life, every decision will have its own outcome. The consequences she has to face may be unbearable, but she still have to keep going. Rated T for minor violence.
1. Chapter 1

My mother always thought that I developed...a bit _slower_ than the others. My brother opened his eyes a week after he was born and I was three weeks late. My mother begged me to open my eyes, to see the world. I could sense the overwhelming anxiety in her voice, she was always the one who thought and worried more than the rest. One of the elders then told me, that reality is cruelty, so why should I open my eyes? I asked my mother, and she just stoned there for awhile before padding away. From then on, she wasn't as protective as before. She let me try out different things that my brother was not allowed to, like how to swim, how to climb, how to dig holes. I decided that I should be kind once, and open my eyes for her.

My father was different. He told us different stories, like why birds could fly and how the clans came to be. He told me that I was named Snowkit, partly because of my white pelt and because he and my mother hoped that I will grow up staying pure like the snow, not tainted by the world's ugly truth. Firekit was named Firekit, for my father hoped that he will burn like a fire, giving his best at everything. Then I asked him, why was Bluekit named Bluekit, he told me he didn't know, and I should ask her mother instead. I replied that perhaps Bluekit was named Bluekit, just because her pelt is blue-gray, but my father scolded me for thinking that way. He said that parents don't name their kits for no reason. Every name carries _hope_.

One day, Firekit came running towards me, saying that the sun turned white. I was always told that the sun is orange and yellowish, how could it be snow white? I finally had the urge to open my eyes and when I did, the first cat I saw was my father, then the sun in the sky.

My father had ginger fur so bright that it could compete with the sun. He had light blue eyes that will make you feel lost whenever you stare into them. Then I saw my mother. She had white fur like me, only that her pelt was covered with lots of black patches. There was traces of amazement in her eyes as she looked into my eyes. My brother has ginger fur like my father, just that it was lighter and not as bright.

There was another cat in this place. My mother said that she is her best friend, and I must respect her at all times. This cat allowed no nonsense and required respect from the kits at all times. With such a strict mother, I don't know why is there a cheeky daughter. Bluekit is playful and daring. She tried everything that we dared her to. We would dare her to eat leaves, sneak into the Warriors' den. Then our dares got bigger. We dared her to put fire ants in the leader's nest, we dared her to mess up the medicine cat's stacks of herbs. She was a true _devil_. She did everything and escaped almost all the punishments. However, Dewdrop seemed to know everything. Each dare came with a scolding from Dewdrop.

When we grew up, Firekit became Firefoot, I was Snowstep and Bluekit was Blueleaf. We never forgot one another. Our relationship grew deeper each day, but everyone should know, that all relationships are fragile, and no matter how deep they are, they will be broken some day. I just hope that day will not come so soon.

Firefoot ended up in the Elder's den when he was only fifteen moons old. He should be hunting, fighting, contributing to the clan, but instead, he was moping around, unable to do anything. Blueleaf had a lot of toms padding after her, but she stayed by my brother's side. Everyone wondered why, but I knew the reason. It was partly due to guilt, and also..._true love_.

One day, I brought a toad to my brother. "Your eyes are amber," he laughed. "Amber eyes like mother's!" I did not know what to reply. He stopped laughing abruptly, putting his head on his paws. The den was silent for awhile.

"Firefoot, why did we end up like this?" I asked, my heart aching.

We had a conversation, sharing each other's thoughts. I thought it was father's fault, but Firefoot thought it was the whole clan's fault, especially mother's. It was everyone's fault that his legs are broken, my life was messed up and Blueleaf had to take care of a useless mate. I wanted to stop, but Firefoot wanted me to continue.

"I am beginning to forget what happened..."

"That's good, bad memories are meant to be forgot."

"I don't want to forget... I want to remember them..."

I was confused for awhile, before understanding what my brother meant.

"Tell me now, how it all started."

"It all started when RiverClan declared war on us..."

* * *

**ShadowClan**

Leader - Nightstar

(Pure black tom with an unusually long, thin tail.)

Deputy - Pineclaw

(Mottled brown she-cat with leafy green eyes.)

Medicine Cat - Yarrowpelt

(Yellowish gray tom with dark amber eyes.)

Warriors -

Sandheart (Sandy-colored she-cat with creamy-white paws.)

Pebblestream (Pale gray tabby she-cat with a white tail-tip.)

Tigerfang (Ginger tom with darker stripes and light blue eyes.)

Blizzardwing (Pure white she-cat with dark blue eyes.)

Blackstorm (Black tom with white under-belly and paws.)

Torntail (Mottled gray she-cat with a torn tail.)

Queens -

Patchwhisker (White she-cat with black patches and black paws.)

Dewdrop (Blue-gray she-cat with a short bushy tail.)

Kits -

Firekit (Light ginger tabby tom with white paws.) Mother: Patchwhisker

Snowkit (Snow white she-kit with warm amber eyes.) Mother: Patchwhisker

Bluekit (Blue-gray she-kit with a messy pelt.) Mother: Dewdrop

Apprentices -

Willowpaw (Long-furred blue-gray she-cat with yellow eyes.) Mentor: Tigerfang

Beetlepaw (Black tom with emerald green eyes.) Mentor: Pineclaw

Elders -

Flowerstep (Creamy white she-cat with brown patches.)

Lionleap (Golden brown tom with a white chest.)

* * *

**I hope that you took time to read the allegiances, because every cat listed plays a role in this story. This story is about Snowstep, her family and most importantly, her abusive father. Snowstep will have to make a lot of decisions in her life, and all these decisions will have consequences. This is my first story, so please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is about Snowkit and Firekit, so no Bluekit inside. **

**A very, very big thank you to Jayfeathergal. Your review meant so much to me! **

* * *

When I opened my eyes, Nightstar visited the nursery. He laughed when he saw how I climbed up his shoulders. "Energetic," he praised. I wondered why he praised me when he saw me climb up his shoulders, but scolded Firekit when he tried to jump over a thistle bush.

Patchwhisker licked my forehead as Tigerfang talked with Nightstar about something.

"Nightstar... Should we go to the leader's den instead? It is confidential."

Nightstar shook his head. "It will be fine here. I don't mind the kits hearing, they will be exposed to wars sooner or later."

I saw Tigerfang shooting a glance at Patchwhisker. "This is nothing of your business," he mouthed.

At once, she got up and pushed me outside. "We are going to the dirtplace," she said. "It is time for you to learn how to do your business in the right place."

"What is doing business?"

"Doing business means to _poop_ and _pee_!" Patchwhisker replied. The reply was so loud that I thought Tigerfang and Nightstar could hear Patchwhisker.

I knew where was the dirtplace. Firekit brought me there, saying that the brown stuff was poop and we ought to cover them with soil. I asked why and he told me that this was to help the plants grow. It was then when I realized how big the plants grew.

While I was padding towards the dirtplace, a paw stepped on my tail and stopped me. I turned around, ready shout, but I saw Patchwhisker leaning against the tree, her eyes narrowed. "What are you doing? Are you eavesdropping? Father said that what he is saying is confidential! It is secret!" I growled. Patchwhisker rolled her eyes, ignoring my protests.

* * *

Later that day, I was told that ShadowClan was at war. Sometimes I wonder, what does war means. I asked Flowerstep and she simply said that it was a time when cats kill cats. Then I asked again, why does cats want to kill their own kind. Flowerstep sighed and told me that there was always something that blinded cats' eyes. Sometimes it will be guilt, sometimes anger and sometimes greed. And that battle was caused by greed.

"What is greed?" I pondered, confused at something that has so much power.

"It is something that you will have, if you ever gain something," Flowerstep explained. "Just like if I love eating toads, and you start bringing me toads everyday. Then I will start to get greedy. I will want more. Perhaps I will want two toads tomorrow, then three toads the day after. That is greed. It cannot be stopped." I did not understand what Flowerstep was saying, I simply thought that she was trying to tell me that she liked toads. And so, I brought her toads everyday after that conversation.

..

When I was three moons old, Patchwhisker moved out of the nursery. The night before she officially moved out, she gathered me and Firekit in front of her. I could see tears forming in her eyes as she mewed slowly, "Mama is moving out... Firekit, Snowkit, do you want me to move out?" Firekit kept shaking his head while I stoned there.

"Mama, why are you moving out? Don't you love us anymore?" I questioned, moving closer to Patchwhisker.

Patchwhisker looked down at me fondly. "ShadowClan is going to a battle. Our clan needs warriors. Our clan needs me. More cats means a higher chance of victory."

"What is victory?" I wondered, confused at something that every cat wants.

"Victory is something that when you fight for something that you want, you get that thing you want," Patchwhisker explained. "Just like if you and Firekit compete with each other to see who can find the most leaves. Firekit found ten, and you found thirteen. Then you will win, you will gain victory. You will get that thing that you fought for. It can be pride, land, food, water, shelter, anything in the whole wide world."

"I don't want victory if I need to fight with Firekit. He is my brother, after all. Tigerfang taught us that we need to love each other, because we are all related. We are all cats."

Patchwhisker did not reply. After that night, she moved out and rarely came to visit us.

..

I learnt what was greed and what as victory. I now knew, that these two things are poison that will gradually kill cats off, one by one. So I asked Flowerstep on how to avoid touching the two things. The elder only smiled weakly, signing as she licked my forehead with something like..._sympathy_ in her eyes?

..

"Snowkit!" Firekit called for me one day. His voice was so soft and gentle, and I could not believe my ears. I waited for awhile, wanting to make sure that Firekit was calling for me. "Snowkit! Are you deaf or what?" Firepaw spat, his voice now filled with anger. I hurried over, but what I saw made me stop.

Firekit's eyes were puffy and red. Firekit had cried. My tough, proud brother _cried_. I realized how serious things were.

"Firekit, what happened?" I asked, softly and slowly.

Firekit's eyes were fixed on the ground. He did not reply and I sat down beside him. Firekit leaned against me, and I waited patiently for him to finish crying. I knew that he just needed someone to be beside him, and not someone who will ask endless questions.

While Firekit cried, I took the time to observe him. His fur was sleek and he smelt almost like mother. I look at my fur too. It was sleek but short. My paws were like mother's, small and delicate. My tail was like mother's, short and fluffy. Suddenly, I wanted to cry. There was this strange feeling in my heart. I wanted to see mother badly.

_"Snowkit, Firekit, both of you are old enough to eat solid food," Patchwhisker smiled, warmth in her eyes. "You two have grown so much." Firekit and I took our time to observe the toad Patchwhisker brought us. We sniffed and touched it._

_"It's so ugly," Firekit commented, earning a glare from mother._

_"It's food. It kept us alive. Respect the toads, please, you aren't that handsome either," Patchwhisker mewed sternly, although I knew she was just joking. Firekit huffed while I laughed, rolling on the ground._

_Patchwhisker then motioned us to take a bite of the toad. Firekit took a bite of it unwillingly, while I was scared that it tasted sour or bitter. I waited to see Firekit's reaction._

_Firekit chewed and chewed. He took a step backwards and mewed, "it tastes okay. I suppose that ugly things are nice too."_

_There was amusement in Patchwhisker's eyes as Firekit took one more big bite. "The toad taste very, very nice!"_

_I laughed again._

"I miss mother," Firekit finally spoke.

"I miss her too."


End file.
